Mr. Advice Guy #2 - Feb. 7, 2008

Dear Advice Guy,
My cat will not leave me alone. He insists on being pet constantly. My school work is starting to suffer, because I don’t have time for anything but him. Please help! What should I do?
Overly Loved

Dear Overly Loved,
I just have one question: Who’s the pet and who’s the
owner here?
This is clearly a case of a cat who, much like Tony Danza, doesn’t understand who the boss is. Only it seems like this case isn’t leading to nearly as much wacky comedy (and hopefully nowhere near as much sexual tension) as the trials and tribulations of Tony and Angela did for so many years.
I think what you need to do with your cat is to establish your dominance. That way, when you tell him to go away, he’ll know you mean business.
Here’s what to do. Grab a pen, I’ll wait.
First, stare him down. This might take a while. He’ll probably act like it isn’t bothering him and he might even nonchalantly walk away, but keep at it. Two to three hours ought to do it.
Next, spend a week or two really getting in your cat’s face.
Call him a punk. Put a “kick me” sign on his back and throw him outside amongst other neighbourhood cats. Trip him when he walks by. Really throw your weight around. Remember those bullies in high school? Be like them.
If all else fails, beat the crap out of him. He’ll get the picture.