Mr. Advice Guy #6 - March 12, 2008

Dear Mr. Advice Guy,
With the approaching job fair and my desperate need for booze money, I need to know how to win over potential employers. Please help me.
A sober student

Dear Sober Student,
To paraphrase Dr. Nick, there are many options available for dangerously sober individuals such as yourself.
I’ll try to answer this question without stealing any of the tips that Travis Trudeau offered a couple weeks ago in his ‘award-winning’ column, “Mastering the job interview”. I assume you read it.
A job fair is an interesting setup for a prospective employee.
You’ll be in a place full of people vying for your attention. They’ll all want to attract you, to get you to come over and spend some time with them.
It’ll be like the time I went to that girls’ dormitory. Boy, was that ever a sexy adventure…
But I digress.
In a situation like yours, where you need to start drinking as soon as possible, you should look to save time wherever possible.
Approach only those employers who look particularly desperate. You can’t waste your time with anyone who might have options here. Pretend it’s last call at the bar and you just need anyone to come home with you.
When you talk to these people, don’t bother talking dollars and cents. Converting that to beer will only consume more valuable time. Cut to the chase: “How much beer per hour does this job pay?” They’ll know you mean business.
Let me know when you get that beer.