The beginning of an era?

Hey everyone,
Since I haven't been doing much with this thing so far, and since I got laid off at the Kamloops Daily News and now have nothing to do, I've decided to try and post something every day. For this week at least.
Below is the editorial I wrote before the federal election in October. It was actually noticed by CBC Radio in Victoria, and I was a guest on "All Points West" to talk about youth voter apathy. I don't know how I did, but my mom and my girlfriend said I did a good job, and I'm sure they weren't biased in any way.
Anyway, give it a read and let me know what you think. I'll be back tomorrow with another post, which will (hopefully) be longer and more interesting than this one.

Omega Editorial #9 - Oct. 1, 2008

EXERCISING YOUR RIGHT NOT TO VOTE
I have some news that apparently many of you may find very shocking:
There’s a federal election coming soon.
OK. Calm down. There’s plenty of information in this week’s issue to get you prepared.
We’ve got an article about how to register to vote. We also have a couple of useful ads from Elections Canada.
So those of you who want to vote should be able to figure it out with the help of this issue.
But I’m not so worried about those of you who are planning to vote.
My problem is with the (seemingly large) percentage of you who are planning not to vote.
When Percy went around campus this week asking people about the important issues, he got a frighteningly large number of people telling him that they don’t pay attention to the election, or that they just don’t care about politics.
I can understand not caring much about politics. Believe me, for the better part of my life I pay very little attention to politics. But once every few years, I make sure to get informed so that I can help choose my country’s next leader.
It’s not hard to do. We’re inundated with information (of varying degrees of usefulness) around election time. All you have to do is turn on the T.V. (Or pick up The Omega.)
I figure if you’re willing to not vote, or to “exercise your right NOT to vote” as some people so self-righteously put it, you’re giving up your right to complain.
And I don’t just mean you’re giving up your right to complain about who the new prime minister is, or your right to complain about which party forms the new government.
I’m saying that when you choose not to vote, you give up your right to complain about basically anything that happens in Canada.
Tuition too high? Should’ve voted.
Gas prices sky-rocketing? Too bad.
Lost your job? Can’t find affordable housing? Sick of all this crazy weather? Gee, I wish I could help you.
The one constant with all these problems, and with basically everything that goes on in our lives, is that the government has some control over them in one way or another.
If you don’t vote, you’re essentially telling everyone that you don’t care what direction this country takes.
I don’t have a problem with that. Not caring is your right.
Just don’t come crying to the rest of us when you don’t like the way things turn out.
Make a difference: VOTE!

Mr. Advice Guy #18 - Sept. 24, 2008

Dear Mr. Advice Guy,
My boss thinks he’s amazingly attractive and hits on all the female staff, even though he stinks like coffee and cheap cigarettes. How should I tell him where to go and how to get there without getting canned?
Awkward Employee

Dear Awkward,
If only he smelled of alcohol and expensive cigarettes, am I right? Ahhh...the enchanting aroma of expensive cigarettes. Few women can fight it’s irresistible magnetism. But I digress.
If you continue to use middle-aged woman slang like “where to go and how to get there” or “getting canned”, the problem will most likely take care of itself. I can only assume that your boss isn’t really into making a pass at someone who sounds like his mom.
If that doesn’t work, move on to plan B: make yourself as unattractive as possible.
You know how usually you shower before you go to work? Stop that immediately. In fact, stop showering all together.
And you can forget about brushing your teeth. As they say, fresh breath is the devil’s playground.
Watch the way you dress, too. Whatever your work uniform might be, leave it in your closet. Instead, show up to your workplace in baggy sweatshirts, ill-fitting sweatpants and slippers. You know how some girls think they look comfy and cute in sweatpants and a sweatshirt? They’re wrong.
Follow my advice and it should keep away your creepy boss and other “Johnny-come-lately’s”, or whatever you and your knitting circle would call them.

Omega Editorial #9 - Sept. 24, 2008

WHAT’S IN A NAME?
As you may or (more likely) may not have noticed, I’ve changed my name.
OK, the change from “Dave” to “David” isn’t exactly huge, but it’s a decision that I’ve been wrestling with for some time.
And I don’t expect people to begin calling me David in social situations. My friends know me as Dave, and that’s how I hope to continue to be known when I’m out in public.
This change is meant to only impact my writing. My by-line will now read “David Ford”.
I just feel like “Dave Ford” is really bland and ordinary. (I mean the name, not the person.)
It’s only two syllables. It’s a mere eight letters. It doesn’t stand out in a crowd, particularly when that crowd includes a guy with an acute accent in his name. (That’s right, Hébert, I’m talking to you.)
I know “David Ford” doesn’t exactly set the world on fire, either. But I have to do the best with what God (or my parents) gave me. All I can do is try to be the best Dave or David I can be.
I’ve been told in the past that I should throw my middle name into the equation, too. A former prof of mine told me that David Andrew Ford has a nice ring to it.
That’s all well and good, but it also seems a little bit pompous. It seems like I’m trying too hard to sound like a “real writer”. Or maybe I just don’t feel like I can live up to my full name’s lofty expectations.
Either way, for now I’m sticking with David Ford. Somehow it sounds just a bit more professional without being too overbearing.
Plus, it’ll make my mom happy. She hates that people call me Dave.
A rose by any other name

Mr. Advice Guy #17 - Sept. 17, 2008

Dear Advice Guy,
My professor is a real jerk. I’m worried that he’s going to grade me unfairly, because he’s old and bitter. I need to maintain by GPA and I can’t drop the class. What should I do?
Grad School Hopeful

Dear Hopeful,
First of all, let me get something off my chest.
I’ve been told that last week’s column “wasn’t very funny” and that it “seemed too much like real advice”.
Hey, they can’t all be gems, people. Even Mr. Advice Guy has an off week. God forbid I dispense some actual advice here.
Anyway, back to your problem.
I think it’s safe to say that we’ve all had at least one professor in our scholastic careers that we haven’t gotten along with. I’m sure it’s hard to imagine, but even your beloved Mr. Advice Guy has been the object of some scorn from a number of instructors in the past.
I’ve tried a bunch of different things to try to get along with said profs. I’ve tried charming them, I’ve tried sucking up to them and I’ve even tried bribing them. But only one method seemed to have much effect: pure, unadulterated avoidance.
No prof on this (or any other) campus is here because he/she actually hates students and wants to fail them.
That said, even your own mother can get sick of you sometimes. Or maybe that’s just my mother.
So try to avoid your prof at all costs. Show up for class only as much as is absolutely necessary. Don’t stop by his office for anything, no matter how important. And definitely don’t try to bribe him.

Omega Editorial #8 - Sept. 17, 2008

I HAVE A PROBLEM
Hi. I’m Dave and I’m addicted to sports gambling.
OK, maybe not sports gambling. It’s more like I’m addicted to football gambling.
And by football, I mean the NFL. The CFL can hardly be considered football.
My addiction started innocently enough. One fall, some friends and I decided to try doing a “football pool”, similar to the hockey pool that had already become a regular October occurrence.
We had no money on the line (thankfully, since the rules were set up terribly), but just that initial taste left me hungry for more.
I’ve played fantasy football on and off since then. But I never play for money, so I don’t really consider that a problem. Though it does take up roughly half my waking hours as I scour the waiver wire and free agent list, desperately looking to improve my (rather abysmal) team.
My addiction became a problem a few years ago when I was living in Calgary. My roommate and I began buying weekly Sports Action tickets every Sunday morning.
If I thought I loved watching football before gambling, oh baby! Gambling made the games 100 times better. Now, not only was I glued to the TV for Buccaneers games, I loved watching every game. It was as if my life (or, more accurately, my rent) was on the line every weekend.
But I’m happy to report that I’ve conquered my problem.
Sure, I still gamble on football. I have two fantasy teams this year (Go Flux Capacitors!) and I still buy my tickets every weekend.
But last weekend I won $100. If that’s not a victory, I don’t know what is.
Wish me luck

Mr. Advice Guy #16 - Sept. 10, 2008

Dear Mr. Advice Guy,
My new roommate is a total slob who doesn’t pick up after herself. She leaves clothes, food and books all over our apartment. I need to have a clean house or I can’t concentrate. I’m worried it’s going to get worse as the semester goes on. How do I get her to clean up her act?
Living in a garbage dump

Dear Living,
I feel your pain.
I too have lived with my share of roommates who have refused to clean up after themselves.
Honestly, the best advice I can give you is to loosen up.
I know it can be a pain to come home to a messy house all the time. And I know it’s frustrating to feel like you’re the only one cleaning up around the apartment. But you’ve got to understand that some people just aren’t worried about that kind of thing.
If you let your roommate’s messiness get to you too much, you’re going to drive yourself crazy.
So sit back and relax. Let your backpack fall haphazardly to the floor when you get home from class. Throw caution to the wind and leave your clothes on the bedroom floor at the end of the day.
Believe me. You’ll feel a lot better if you stop focusing on the uncleanliness of your house and begin focusing instead on more important things.
Of course, you could just throw all your roommate’s belongings on the front lawn while she’s at class tomorrow. That way you can get rid of her and her piles of unwashed clothes and dirty dishes. Then you can live in pristine bliss.
What I’m trying to say is, you have options.

Omega Editorial #7 - Sept. 10, 2008

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME?
I have some terrible news to pass along to all of you: I recently had a birthday.
I know for some of you birthdays are probably still joyous affairs where you gather with a group of friends and take part in fun activities involving alcohol and ice cream cake, but I’m now at an age where I fear my birthday like the plague.
On the bright side, I turned 29 this year. (Yes, I’m actually that old.) 29 is kind of hard to hate. It’ll be a year before I need to really be afraid.
It’s the milestone birthdays, the round numbers, that generally make me want to vomit. This birthday wasn’t as bad as some past milestones.
At the time, turning five seemed great. Everyone loves a birthday when they’re that young, right? I particularly liked it because it meant I got to go to school. Would you believe that a young David Ford was actually looking forward to getting homework? I honestly couldn’t wait to have school work to bring home with me! It wasn’t until years later that I realized my feelings as a five-year-old were ugly and wrong.
I still remember turning 10 and hearing my mom cheerfully say, “No more single digits!” Even at my relatively young age I knew that things would never be the same, that things had changed for the worse.
15 passed without much of a hitch, though it did usher in my awkward phase. I don’t think anyone’s experienced an awkward phase to rival mine. I’m still waiting for it to end.
When I turned 20, I felt like I was on top of the world. I had a new girlfriend, I had a decent job (OK, I delivered pizza for Panago, but at the time it was a good job for a struggling student) and had recently started university. I was ready to take on the world.
Then 25 hit. I was in a different city, I didn’t like my job (bussing tables at The Keg), my girlfriend and I were weeks away from breaking up and I was barely attending university. Turning 25 brought wholesale changes for me. If there’s such a thing as a “quarter-life" crisis, I was experiencing one.
But the in-between years are easy. Every birthday since my 25th has been OK. Sure, the celebrations are getting considerably less rowdy, but I’m learning to live with that.
As I turn 29, I’m dating the greatest girl of my dating career. I’ll finish my degree this year, which is no small accomplishment for me. And I’ve got a job that will help propel me forward in my career.
But will all that be enough to get me through my next birthday?
I'll just stay 29 forever

Mr. Advice Guy #15 - Sept. 3, 2008

Dear Mr. Advice Guy,
This is my first week of university. I’ve moved here from a small town up north and I don’t know anyone. Do you have any good ideas on how to meet new friends?
Alone and Scared at TRU

Dear Alone,
The best advice I can give you has already been mentioned by my fearless (and handsome) editor: get involved!
Go out and join one of TRU’s many clubs. I’m sure there’s got to be something that you’d be interested in.
If you’re not into clubs, why not try out for one of our dozen or so varsity athletics teams? Sure, you may not make the team, but you’ll meet people with similar interests who may take you on as a groupie.
If you’re not the athletic type, try the drama department. There are a number of plays every year, and those plays need actors. If you aren’t the kind of person who enjoys the limelight, somebody needs to help build sets and set up lighting. And actors need groupies, too.
But the most exciting thing you can do to really get out there and meet new people is to come write for The Omega.
Our editors have spent the summer doing gruelling internships at newspapers around the country, and now they’re ready to sit back and have you do the writing for them. Plus, they’ll provide valuable criticism to help you improve your technique.
Sure, you don’t get paid, but there really is no greater reward than being able to see your story in an actual newspaper.
And we kind of are one of those.

Omega Editorial #6 - Sept. 3, 2008

“WELCOME BACK…
...your dreams are your ticket out.”
I guess that’s as good a way to start as any.
If you’re new to TRU and haven’t read The Omega before, this is how I do it. I like to make relatively obscure references to old TV shows.
The first line of this editorial is a reference to Welcome Back, Kotter, maybe the most under-rated sitcom of all time.
Also if you’re new to TRU and this is your first time reading The Omega, I want to say, “Hi!”
Hopefully you like what we’re doing on some level, and you keep coming back.
We’re hoping to be the place where you turn for any sort of TRU-related news. And hopefully we can keep things reasonably entertaining for you, too.
Now here’s where I start shamelessly begging.
WE NEED YOU!
If you have any desire at all to be involved in the exciting world of campus news, come by and see me.
Believe me, writing for us is a great way to improve your writing skills, to practice your interviewing techniques or to just get out and meet people on campus.
This summer alone, I got the opportunity to annoy a bunch of different people at the university, including former TRU president Roger Barnsley and vice-president of advancement Christopher Séguin.
So come on out and get involved in your student newspaper. Meetings are Tuesday afternoons at 2 p.m., but I’ll be here pretty much everyday. Stop by and see me, and we can discuss ‘80s television.
Good luck this year

Mr. Advice Guy #14 - Aug. 27, 2008

Dear Mr. Advice Guy,
I’ve spent all summer working at my summer job. I need a break. I want to go on one last holiday before I go back to school, but I’m worried that I might not have enough time. Do you have any suggestions?
Ready to Party

Dear Ready,
You want to go on one last holiday now? Talk about leaving things until the last minute.
The best suggestion I can give you with less than a week before classes begin is to start designing some sort of time machine. That way you can go back in time to a week or two ago and actually have a decent vacation.
Or maybe there’s something cooler that you could do with a time machine. I don’t know; I’m not a scientist.
Anyway, let’s get started on that time machine. The first thing you’ll want to do is to go rent the Back to the Future movies.
I know, I know. You probably don’t want to waste what little time you have before Sept. 2 watching movies. But you need to look at the big picture here: in watching these movies, you’ll be doing valuable research. Plus, once you have a time machine you’ll never have to worry about “wasting” time again.
The next thing you’ll want to do (for reasons that will become apparent after you’ve watched the trilogy) is to try and locate a mid-’80s DeLorean. DMC-12. Believe me, this part is crucial. Try to make sure that it’s silver in colour.
After that, it’s a simple matter of “inventing” the flux capacitor. Don’t worry, the plans will be laid out for you in the first movie. This is the most important step. The flux capacitor is what makes time travel possible, after all.

Omega Editorial #5 - Aug. 27, 2008

LIVING OUT MY FANTASIES
I recently took part in a fantasy football draft. This will be my second year as part of a keeper league started by Pete Lucarotti and his friends. You may remember Lucarotti as the guy I hung out with last year to make myself look cool in comparison.
Anyway, there’s no money on the line in this league, which was a good thing for me last year as my “Flying Vandelays” ended up finishing sixth out of 10 teams.
I blame my inexperience for my team’s lack-lustre performance last year. I made some rookie mistakes on draft day and they came back to haunt me once the season started. But I primarily blame Marvin Harrison, who had by far the worst season of his career. Curse you, Harrison!
The low-point of last season came when I lost to Lucarotti in the playoffs. His upstart “Locks of the Week” handled my favoured Vandelays easily. Believe me, that was a hard loss to take.
So I vowed to be better prepared for this year. I kept track of anything NFL-related since some time in June. I printed out lists of expected player draft positions from five different websites. I bought a fantasy football magazine and read it from cover to cover. I made lists of guys I liked and hated at each position.
When draft day finally came, I felt ready. I had my whole draft mapped out, along with a number of contingency plans in case of emergency.
Because it’s a keeper league, each team keeps five players from the year before. I didn’t have a very strong team going into the draft, so I knew I had to nail this.
The first two rounds went exactly according to plan. I managed to draft Santonio Holmes (who I think is going to have a huge year) in the first round, and then take Thomas Jones (running behind a much-improved offensive line) in the second.
That’s when it got ugly.
Lucarotti called me and between talking to him and trying to make my picks, I completely lost control. Suddenly I was taking Jeremy Shockey over Dallas Clark. I reached on the Green Bay defense and waited too long on David Garrard. I actually drafted Tarvaris Jackson as my back-up quarterback.
As I sit here, hoping for injuries to everyone else’s players, I realize my error. I should never have answered the phone when Lucarotti called. I blame him for my failed draft.
I’ll have my revenge. The Flux Capacitors will be victorious over Cornelius Cash in week five.
I’ll just need a big day from Marvin Harrison.
Bring on the season

Mr. Advice Guy #13 - July 30, 2008

Dear Mr. Advice Guy,
This year will be my last year of university, except I don’t have any plans for what I want to do afterwards. I don’t want to have to start paying full admission prices and paying bills! Should I postpone graduating until I come up with a real plan?
Scared to leave

Dear Scared,
Stop your crying! This should be the happiest time of your life.
I’m sure you’re probably one of these people who haven’t taken any time off from school since you started kindergarten. Now that you’re about to shed the shackles that have held you to your desk for the past 18 years or so, you want to find a way to stay where you are?
Take it from me: school is something that you should finish as quickly as possible. Once you’re done with it, you should get as far away as possible.
Let’s use my scholastic career as an example. I finished my bachelor’s degree as quickly as I possibly could have.
OK, I haven’t actually finished my bachelor’s degree yet. But when I do finish it some time this year, I’ll do it with the satisfaction of knowing that I didn’t waste a single moment of the 11 years it took me to graduate.
And now that I’m coming to the end of the line, I’ve already begun to cut all my ties with TRU and school in general. I barely spend any time at The Omega. It’s not like I’m supposed to be there on a regular basis.
OK, that’s not true. It’s pretty clear that I took a job on campus just so that I wouldn’t have to leave the little comfort zone I’ve established here.
I’m scared of the real world, too.
Hold me...

Omega Editorial #4 - July 30, 2008

TICK, TICK, TICK…
It’s amazing what a difference an hour and a half can make.
Generally we send our little paper to the printer’s at 2 p.m. on Tuesday.
This month, however, due to a mix-up that was entirely our fault at The Omega, we had to squeeze it in at 12:30 p.m.
That hour and a half may not seem like much, but believe me: when you’re facing deadline and desperately trying to bang out an “editor’s note”, that time seems extremely precious.
What I wouldn’t give for another 10 minutes, let alone an hour and a half.
But the worst part isn’t that I’m rushed right now.
The worst part will come in the moments after I’ve sent my little bundle of joy into the Daily News so it can be printed and distributed.
I’ll be on pins and needles for the rest of the day, wondering if I remembered to do everything I need to do so that the paper looks absolutely perfect.
Did I change all the page numbers and the dates? Did I spell everyone’s names right? Did I make sure I look perfect in my Mr. Advice Guy photo? Well, at least some things take care of themselves.
Anyway, here you go. Hot off the press. Hopefully there aren’t too many errors in this thing. If there are, I apologize.
As always, feel free to let me know what you think of this issue. I’d love to get some feedback, even if it’s negative.
And with his heart racing and sweat pouring from his brow, he sends his beloved paper away...
Ready the defibrillator!

Omega Editorial #3 - June 25, 2008

WELCOME TO THE DOG DAYS OF SUMMER
We are officially entering the worst time of year. TV-wise, I mean.
Now that the basketball season has ended (why did I think the Lakers would win? I bought into the Kobe Bryant hype) and hockey’s been over for almost a month, I’ll be counting down the many days until football starts. No, not the CFL. I said football.
Sure, there was a time when I liked the CFL. As a kid it seemed so simple to me. In the CFL they pass more, so it must be better.
I still remember asking my grandad, the only other sports fan in my family, who would win a game between a CFL team and an NFL team. I understand now that it was a silly question, but he didn’t have to point and laugh like that.
So anyway, we now have months of baseball and golf ahead of us. We all know that watching a baseball game on TV is like watching paint dry, but what about golf? It’s certainly gaining popularity, but only old people and fools get excited to watch it.
On that note, be sure to check out Marty Hastings’ column about how golf is the most exciting sport on television (p. 11). I know Marty isn’t an old person, so I guess that only leaves one alternative.
We’ve got a bit of an environmental flavour to this month’s issue. Melissa Rombough has a run-down of what took place in Kamloops during Canadian Environment Week. It’s on page 3.
(Look up and to the right. There you go.)
And Percy Hébert came back from his trip to Mexico and California with some beautiful, heart-breaking photos of how plastic and other garbage in the Pacific Ocean affects marine life.
In fact, Percy took the lion’s share of the photos in this issue. I’ve had to credit him so often that I’ll never forget how to put an acute accent (´) over an “e” for the rest of my life.
Unfortunately Mr. Advice Guy wasn’t able to submit anything this month. He’s been really busy with his new job, but he promises to get something in next month’s issue.
Send him your questions and give him some material. I’m tired of listening to him whine about how no one ever sends him anything.
To help take the sting out of the absence of an advice column, I’ve brought back the “sports history” column that Lucarotti and I used to do. I’ve tried to highlight the most important events from July, but it’s a little bit daunting to do an entire month at once. Sorry if I missed anything.
Let me know what you think of the “sports history” column. If people are enjoying it, I’ll make sure to keep it up. So check it out and give me some feedback. Just watch out when you get to July 1, 1996. That’s the day that the worst event in the history of professional sports took place.
We’ve also got a short story for you this month. Or at least we have the first half of a short story. I’d love to get some feedback about whether or not you like the idea of a fiction section. And if you have anything you’d like to see published there, send it to me.
Now I guess I have to sign off again. I’m still not completely comfortable doing this. My “seeya” last month just didn’t feel right.
Brian Huntley, the author of this month’s short story, assures me that I can get away with “cheers”. I’ve never been much of a “cheers” guy, but I’m willing to try anything once.
Cheers