Mr. Advice Guy #12 - May 28, 2008

Dear Mr. Advice Guy,
At the end of August, I will be crossing the pond for a year of studying abroad in France. Do you have any tips on how I could use my "Canadian charm" to win over those French boys? Because I really am going to need someone to translate all my papers into French for me.
Last of all, I'd like to thank you for helping me to procrastinate. I really should be studying for my finals.
Concerned Reader

Dear Concerned,
Ah, the French. If late night talk show hosts have taught me anything (and I’d like to think they have), there are some things you should expect from the French: they eat nothing but wine and cheese, they smell bad and you could probably take over the entire country with nothing but a pointy stick and a handful of gravel. Also, you may want to stop shaving your armpits and legs.
Since you need them to help you with your papers, I’ll assume you don’t want to take over their country.
Probably the first thing you’ll want to do is to get at least a rudimentary grasp on their language. Failing that, pronounce all your short “i” sounds as “ee” and your “th” sounds as “zz”. Also, all verbs should end in the traditional “ay”.
For example: “Can you help-ay me weeth zee homework?”
If that doesn’t work, put out. Easy girls speak a language understood the whole world ’round.