Mr. Advice Guy #12 - May 28, 2008

Dear Mr. Advice Guy,
At the end of August, I will be crossing the pond for a year of studying abroad in France. Do you have any tips on how I could use my "Canadian charm" to win over those French boys? Because I really am going to need someone to translate all my papers into French for me.
Last of all, I'd like to thank you for helping me to procrastinate. I really should be studying for my finals.
Concerned Reader

Dear Concerned,
Ah, the French. If late night talk show hosts have taught me anything (and I’d like to think they have), there are some things you should expect from the French: they eat nothing but wine and cheese, they smell bad and you could probably take over the entire country with nothing but a pointy stick and a handful of gravel. Also, you may want to stop shaving your armpits and legs.
Since you need them to help you with your papers, I’ll assume you don’t want to take over their country.
Probably the first thing you’ll want to do is to get at least a rudimentary grasp on their language. Failing that, pronounce all your short “i” sounds as “ee” and your “th” sounds as “zz”. Also, all verbs should end in the traditional “ay”.
For example: “Can you help-ay me weeth zee homework?”
If that doesn’t work, put out. Easy girls speak a language understood the whole world ’round.

Omega Editorial #2 - May 28, 2008

WELCOME TO THE DAVE SHOW
This is officially the first paper of my reign as editor-in-chief of The Omega. Please, hold your applause.
I instituted very few changes in this first issue.
We’re trying a classifieds section (p. 9). It’s really small right now, but if you have anything you want to get rid of, let us know. Hopefully the section will grow over the summer.
That’s really the only new addition in this month’s content. My reasoning is, “If it ain’t broke, etc.”
And of course we hired a completely new crop of wide-eyed young go-getters to fill our various editor positions. I can’t wait to break their collective spirit.
Check out their stuff this month. If you don’t find it to be of the highest quality, let me know. I’ll make sure they’re punished. Severely.
Getting rid of the various scoundrels and vagrants that constituted last year’s group of editors was something that I’d been looking forward to for months now. Now I just have to air the place out. It literally reeks of failure.
I’m kidding, of course. I loved all of my co-workers last year and most of them have gone on to bigger and better things.
Pete Lucarotti is now living in the bustling metropolis of Grande Prairie, AB. Alexis is in the process of moving to Edmonton, and Ben will be doing the same at the end of the summer. Who knew northern Alberta was such a hot spot?
Landon’s still around, working some incredibly high-paying job on campus. He even helped me with the sports section this month. What a guy! And he’s single, ladies.
All I have left to do is to figure out how to sign off at the end of these “editor’s notes”.
Jen went with “Ta”, which is OK for her, but it’s just not my style. It seems a little effeminate, and despite what Lucarotti might tell you, I’m all man.
This is honestly the question that has been plaguing me all month. What do I say? “Bye” is too obvious, and I’m not one of those guys who can get away with “Ciao” or “Cheers”.
I guess I’ll try a different one each week and see how each one fits. Kind of like how I handle the ladies...
Seeya

For those of you growing tired of Mr. Advice Guy (as if that were possible)

Hey,
We've finally come to a point where I have something other than Mr. Advice Guy to share with you.
The post titled "Editorial #1" is just that. It's the first editorial I wrote for The Omega. As for the post directly below this one, it's a story I wrote for The Omega's April Fool's issue last year. Anyway...

Mr. Advice Guy #10) I can't remember who sent me this letter. I thought it might be Myrissa, but she's unsure.
Anyway, moving back in with my parents is indeed something with which I have way too much experience. My parents have always been good about it, though. Or at least, they always act like they're OK with it, which is all I really need.

Editorial #1) This issue of The Omega was my "training issue". I laid it out and acted like I was editor-in-chief, even though I hadn't taken over yet.
This one really speaks for itself.

Mr. Advice Guy #11) As this installment says, I wrote this letter myself.
In my defence, I was honestly wondering if anyone other than my friends was reading the column. I also was worried that I might not have enough time to keep doing it once I took over the paper full-time.
If you're wondering, this desperate plea got me two responses. I'm not sure which is sadder, the fact that I got so few responses or the fact that so few responses were all I needed to keep going.

April Fool's article - I threw this one in now because I forgot to earlier, and because it had been so long since I wrote anything. I can't let my (two? three?) readers down.
For The Omega's April Fool's issue, we all wrote spoof articles. The NCAA had recently decided to entertain the idea of allowing Canadian university teams into Division-II athletics. Also, TRU was trying to drum up excitement for the "improvement" in the men's basketball team.
I really like the idea behind this one, but I'm less excited about the execution.
By the way, the article's premise is clearly faulty as the men's basketball team has only two wins with two games remaining this season. Shocking, I know.
More soon...

WolfPack to move to NCAA - April 2, 2008

WolfPack to move to NCAA
After tripling its win total from a year ago, the WolfPack men’s basketball team is ready to take the next logical step.
Building on the success of their 3-20 season, the WolfPack will be applying for membership in the NCAA. NCAA Division II paved the way for Canadian schools to seek Division-II membership when it approved a 10-year pilot program at the 2008 NCAA Convention in Nashville, on January 14.
“After the success [the team] had this year, it just makes sense,” said George Aramide, a forward with the team. “We’ve shown what we can do in the CIS. I think we’re ready for the next challenge.”
The 2007-08 season marked the WolfPack’s second year in the Canada West division of the CIS. The team saw its win total rocket from one to three in its sophomore campaign.
“Obviously, as a coach you’re looking for improvement every year,” said assistant coach Sean Garvey. “But I don’t think anyone expected this kind of improvement.”
The WolfPack’s wins this year included a victory against Simon Fraser and two wins over Trinity Western. One of the wins against Trinity Western came thanks to a forfeit by the Spartans.
Garvey suggested that if the WolfPack’s growth continues at its current rate, the team will soon be in need of stronger competition.
“At this rate, we’re going to finish 9-14 next year. The year after, we’ll be 23-0. Do the math,” Garvey said. “All you have to do is multiply by three after every season. By [2009- 10] we’ll be perfect, with eight or nine teams forfeiting against us.”
Canadian institutions will be able to apply for membership to Division II on June 1 of this year. Any school that applies by June 1 may be eligible to begin the process of joining Division II by September 2008.
Garvey said that TRU will be looking to be a part of the initial group of Canadian schools to enter the NCAA.
“Instead of waiting until we’re completely dominant in the CIS, we’re looking to make the move as soon as possible,” he said.
Though there is currently no process for a Canadian team to join Division I in the NCAA, Garvey said he expects to see the WolfPack there sooner than later.
“In a couple years, I wouldn’t rule out a trip to the March Madness tournament,” he said.